Those Advice from My Dad That Rescued Us as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a respite - spending a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."